Jim is an awkward guy, he spends most of his time just sitting on his porch watching the day go by. Jim only has one friend, but she spends most of her time working as a nurse, so he doesn’t see her much. When Jim starts to feel lonely, he likes to walk in the park. He drives to whichever park he feels like walking in that day. He puts his headphones on and just enjoys the day around him rain or shine, but today was different.
This time Jim didn’t bring his headphones because he decided today was the day he was gonna make a new friend. Jim’s decision to make a new friend wasn’t working out too well at first. He kept getting too nervous to talk to anyone and ended up just sitting on a bench alone. After a while of sitting alone on the bench Jim decided he’d had enough. He didn’t want to be lonely anymore, he didn’t want to be afraid anymore, he didn’t want to be shy anymore, so Jim decided that he was gonna talk to the next person he saw no matter what. Jim once again started walking down the sidewalk when a very overweight woman started to walk by. At first Jim decided against talking to her because in his head he thought “I don’t want her as a friend. She’s probably all sassy about her weight. She’s probably mean and I don’t want to be seen with someone like that.” Jim thought this for only a couple of seconds. He decided to talk to her anyway. He realized he didn’t know if anything he thought was true and it probably wasn’t. Jim approached her and said “Hi, I’m Jim.” The overweight woman started to smile, but that changed quickly when she started yelling. “Are you assuming I want to talk to you because I’m fat and your not? That’s not how it works buddy. You have no right to just come approach me on the street. You can’t just assume I want to talk to you because I’m fat. What is your problem?” The woman pauses for a moment then resumes her yelling. “Oh and now you don’t have anything to say. Of course you don’t. You were being a body shaming me and I shut you down….” The woman kept on yelling, but Jim wasn’t paying attention anymore. Jim had been looking off into the distance and noticed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was so beautiful that he didn’t even believe she was real, so he had to find out. In the middle of the overweight woman’s yelling, Jim just walked off, but the overweight woman didn’t even notice and just kept yelling at nothing, she even pulled her phone out to film herself yelling so she could be an anti body shaming activist. Little did she know that she was just an fat bitch trying to get attention.
Jim had finally reached the beautiful woman and approached her. He was so distracted by her beauty that Jim didn’t think about what he was gonna say when he talked to her and ended up just staring at her. “Can I help you?” She seemed really uncomfortable. “Sorry. I’m Jim. I saw you from over there and I just had to talk to you.” She smiled, “It’s just uh…. You are… uh.. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman looked annoyed. “Why are you assuming I’m a woman?” Jim was very surprised by this question. “Because you have breasts and you look like a woman.” The thing just continued to be annoyed. “Do you know what year it is? It’s 2017 and by now you should know that you can’t just assume what gender everyone is. I’m not a woman for your information, I’m a man and I’m proud.” Jim didn’t hesitate to answer “Do you have a penis?” The woman looked stumped for a moment. “No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a man. I had my gender legally changed.” Jim again answered with no hesitation “That doesn’t mean anything. If you have a vagina, you’re a woman. You can’t use the mens bathroom. You can’t jack off, you can’t impregnate a woman. You are a woman, no matter what you say and you can’t get offended because if you look like a woman, people are gonna assume you’re a woman and they are right to assume that you stupid, dumb, stupid bitch. Now have a nice day and go fuck yourself.”
The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t be an asshole to strangers. Or fat. Or transgender. Also, Jim is secretly a savage.