Everyone knows of Christmas and Santa Clause, Jack Frost and Frosty. These are some of the many reasons December is so special. The thing people usually forget about the month is December Man. December Man was born out of snow, piss, and magic. He is called a superhero, or a villain. He is called a witch, a magician. He is called many things, but prefers to just be called December Man. December Man is similar to Krampus except he doesn’t only punish the bad children. December man doesn’t punish children at all. December man punishes those adults who are ungrateful. The adults who unnecessarily hate. The adults who think everything mainstream is bad. Those annoying feminists, those who create controversy where there should be none. Basically, he punishes assholes. December Man begins carefully crafting his list of assholes during January of each year so he can get an early start. His list is always long, and he never misses an asshole to punish. Late on Christmas Eve, as Santa sneaks the gifts in, December man sneaks into the grown up’s rooms. He begins with a light sprinkle of piss…. the December Man poem will be better for explaining all this.
When the sun has gone down, and all is quiet
A man of urine will cause a riot
He’ll tinkle around and throughout the house
He’ll tinkle, he’ll tinkle into your mouth
So if you are bad this holiday season
Your mouth will soon open for strangers to pee in
That is the story as we know it. That’s all we know about the December Man.